Saturday, March 7, 2009

Three Heartbeats

In the middle of the night on January 14th, I did something I've never done before. I half woke from a dreamy sleep, rose up on one shoulder, reached across HeeJung, put the palm of my hand on the back of her head without waking her up, pulled her face to mine even while she slept, kissed her long and softly, then rolled over and went back to sleep. Even though it felt like a dream, I remember it vividly. I will never forget that kiss, because I believe that was the magical moment in which our baby was conceived. How do you explain such a phenomenon? I don't. I accept it. The spiritual world works in a very mysterious way, but I have come to believe with certainty that it does, in fact, work. The trick is to get it to work for you.

Finally, I am living life as I believe it was meant to be lived - not for myself, but for a future generation. Somehow, this lesson escaped me prior to my first marriage, which was entered into knowing full well that offspring was not an option. That was a failure in judgement I vow not to pass along to future generations. I intend to impress upon my children the notion that marriage and procreation are a duty everyone must (at least attempt to) perform for one's ancestors, if not for themselves. Asian cultures believe that one cannot achieve a peaceful afterlife (you could say "heaven") unless they leave someone behind to carry on the deceased's memory. I don't necessarily subscribe to that notion as worded, but I cannot say anything bad about it.

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